This has to be the most hilarious story I've ever read on Medium! You did a phenomenal job touching on the cliches of writing and the "writing process," but in a witty, entertaining way.
Also, why Cheesecake Factory? Their endless options was a turn off for me. I don't know if I can name another restaurant that offers a phone book size menu, but I digress. LOL
Thank you for sharing your humor and story, Mary! If writing doesn't work out, you should consider stand-up comedy. :)